While meditating, you are supposed to have a clear mind and not think about anything. But of course many thoughts come into your mind at times, especially when you are sitting for long hours. Many of the thoughts that come into my mind are often driven by bodily and psychological needs and desire, such as pain from sitting, craving for food (in my case cigarette as well), sensual thoughts, greedy thoughts etc.

This gave me a chance to reflect on my needs, what I desire, and what I want to obtain as a greedy self. It gave me a chance to reflect how our mind works and raised and raise a question – When does human desires become too much? How do we deal with this as a society?

Our collective goal to create ‘better life’ and happiness based on our desires drives our civilization, culture and science over all. Especially in the post war era in the west, many of basic needs were satisfied. Families in such countries sought new homes, cars, appliances and so on in the name of ‘better life’.

In between the meditation, I was wondering what the differences are between pursuing healthy desires and greedy needs.

Pursuit of happiness,
Pursuit of desire,
Pursuit of greed.

What I feel is that I am often misled to believe these 3 points are interchangeable, especially in market driven consumer led culture.

In 2012 I worked at an international advertising agency as a key member advising the fashion brand Prada on their overall digital strategy. Marketing and advertising agencies carefully and strategically target consumers’ consciousness which desire for ‘better life’ to create demands for products and services.

Desire creation is a big business. But this kind of desire created in minds are often relentless. It is agitation like mind-set with no end. As soon as your desire is satisfied, next desire comes up. To make matter worse, our society allows these desires and greed to be justified with our ‘rights’ to be happy.  Like famous L O’real advertising copy – “Because I am worth it”.

Dr. Tomabechi, a Japanese cognitive scientist and psychologist claims that there are two types of desires in our daily life. One is physical desire, such as hunger, need for sleep etc and these are essential desires for supporting human life. The other is information-based-desire where one’s desire is driven by information. He reminds us to watch out for this information-based-desire, as it may not always be what one really desires. He uses an example of someone wanting to own a Ferrari. This person might desire type 453, instead of 430, but in reality the difference of driving experience may be small but the desire is driven by the attachment to the information of how it’s lie to drive 453. In fact if the main goal of buying a car was to get from A to B, perhaps small car might do the job.

Coming back fro usual life from the meditation retreat made me aware of how my desires are driven, how to observe my desire come and go. I am more aware of my essential desires and or if they are relentless desire based on information, obsession or attachment.

When I attended The School of Art Institute of Chicago for my MFA, I had a series of long conversation with a professor Francis Whitehead on this work and we tried to look at clues for which it might lead me to understand what my artistic value is.

We came to agree that it was heavily influenced by Japanese culture, and Zen. We started to think about philosophical debate in Zen, illustrated by Koan. She also told me to look at Marcel Duchamp and similarity with Zen ideas with a hope that this might lead to understanding where my questions are coming from.

There are many ideas Duchamp and Zen shares, such as non-attachment, rejection of language and system and poetic use of them. They both try to have a stance that question a stance itself therefore question was shifted from a specific to a whole. Chance is also a common theme that occurs in Zen stories and Duchamp’s works. It is no surprise artist such as John Cage who succeed Duchamp’s lineage looked at Zen seriously in his process of art makings.

Chance and probability is also a way of looking at the world. (Like presupposed idea such as causality) Giving ‘chance’ a thought provides us with an opportunity to look at unknown. Did we really come from small probability of one lucky sperm meeting the egg? In the byproduct of such a small chance, there is something we feel as beautiful.  As human, we sense beauty in unexplainable unknown, such as the birth of a child, sunset, and explosion of atomic bomb etc.
This also creates desire for us to uncover the truth of all things, and drives us to push our civilization.

Another point of interest is – “art and life”. My enquiry includes questions such as – How can art look art our lives and create a relationship with art works and objects that is shown inside white walls with what is happening outside? How does art’s nature of contextulization affect when we talk about life?  How can meaning of art share meaning of life? Can art and life share a place?
(We saw Rirkrit Tiravanija’s interview with Mary Jane Jocob)

The last part is things I have have not yet come to understand what my nature of enquiry is. This part of my questions includes “experience”. I am not sure how we can evaluate experience using our language, but I have huge interest in creating certain feelings with art, in a installation work for a example. Feelings and experience are closely associated. They inform many things such as memories, perception, realities, and so on.

I like looking at these things and to talk and exchange ideas between friends.

僕は日本で中学と高校の入試を経験したのだがやはり間違った時に消せるえんぴつを使っていた。日本ではいつも基本的に勉学はシャープペンシルかえんぴつだった。（本当は英語でシャープペンシルはメカニカルペンシルといいます）

そして、１６歳になってニュージーランドに留学することになって高校１年生に編入したのだが、ここでは生徒はみんなペンを使っていて僕もペンを使うよう指導された。なので間違った時のための修正液もみんな持っていた。

一回先生に鉛筆ではなんでだめなのか聞いてみたら、ペンで書くと正しいことを書くようになるというようなものだった。もう、もとどおりできないのだから自分の書いていることに自信をもって書き進んでいくスタイルをよしとしている感じだった。

これはニュージーランドだけではなくイギリス（ニュージーランドの教育システムはイギリスとほぼ同じ）やアメリカでもこうである。
これを大きく解釈するとやっぱりアングロサクソン系の国ではこういうようなことが言えると思う。
自分の行為や書いたものに責任を持つ。
間違いやミスであっても自分の意見を押し通すことにある程度の意義を持たせている。
一回で間違いなしに成功させることに重きを置く。

一方日本ではいつミスが起こるかわからないという不安感が念頭にある。
ペンで書いて間違いを認めないのは横着だという観念がある。
丁寧にミスを少しずつ訂正しながら書いているものをよりよく完成させていく。
これから何が学び取れるのかはわからないが書くこと一つを文化の背後にある哲学とういのはこんなに違うのです。